My Rotten Excuse for a Life

Okay… so I know that I rank very low on the scale of successful writers.  I’m arguably worse than that monstrosity that wrote “My Immortal” because THAT person at least has infamy.  If you don’t know what “My Immortal” is, first fall to your knees and thank whatever cosmic/deific being you prefer for sheltering you from that abomination.  Then, if you really must know, and are willing to sign a waiver that acknowledges that you are about to lose time which you will never get back, look up the title in just about any fanfiction database, in the Harry Potter section.

And don’t say I didn’t warn you.

In any event, at least that monstrosity of a writer has infamy.  I can’t even shake this depression enough to finish Chapter Twelve of The Firebird’s Daughter.  I’m trying, but it’s taking a while.

I didn’t even participate in NaNoWriMo this past November.  At all.  Which I find incredibly shameful.  I’ve always participated in NaNo.

The fact of the matter is that the depression is getting worse and it’s sapping my ability to accomplish anything.  I look at all my unfinished projects and I just sit down and cry because I want so much to do something worthwhile and there’s simply too much to do.  I love my characters.  I love their stories.  I want so very much to share those stories and those characters with the world so that others can love them too that it’s a physical ache sometimes.

I’ve got so many stories on so many different worlds… I’ve got the adventures of the Firebird through all her incarnations; I’ve got the other Dreamsails as they wander the universe trying to make worlds better for having been there; I’ve even got a School setting to play with, where students from a number of worlds gather to study Magic and Battle… and that doesn’t even include my unfinished fanfiction pieces, some of which are pretty darn promising, even if I do say so myself.

The first version of The Firebird’s Daughter, where the tale was centered around the Firebird herself, managed to go seventy-five chapters and I wasn’t even a full halfway through my intended plot.  Here I am with a much better character arrangement for the tale and I can’t seem to get past Chapter Twelve… I know what needs to happen, in general terms, it’s just that writing it is a struggle.

So here’s to hoping.  I’ve got the Word document open for Chapter Twelve and I’m already to over a thousand words in it.  Maybe I’ll be able to get it done today.  Maybe.

I need more coffee.

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