… is the sound of me losing my ever-loving MIND!!!
It’s the thirtieth!! Of October!! Tomorrow is the thirtyfirst! and then NaNoWriMo starts!!! And I still don’t have a plot!!!! I don’t have a plot, or characters, or even the hint of an initial scene!!! Dear gak, where has the time gone??? I want October back! I want a Do Over! I need more TIME!!!!
*there is the muffled sound of a crash and a body falling to the floor as MrsGrizzley collapses under the weight of her own indecision*
*stands and recovers, slightly, with a soft chuckle*
Okay, yes, I have a dramatic streak a mile wide, but I really am going nuts with this. It’s bad enough that I even considered doing fanfiction for NaNoWriMo, which is completely within the rules but still feels like cheating to me because I don’t end up with a usable manuscript for original fiction which is what I need to be working on since it’s the only thing that has the potential of making money… and that could help with a lot of the stress in my real life.
It’s frustrating as hell to get hounded about “doing something real” when writing is real to me and it is a hell of a lot more fulfilling than anything I ever did as one more warm body on the retail floor. I know I’m good. I know that I’m as good if not better than most of the people already on the market.
I also know what my greatest weaknesses are. This damn busy mind of mine keeps me distracted and unfocused, unable to complete projects even when they’re worthwhile. I want to write. I need to write. I’m happier and easier to live with when I’m writing… but hell if my brain will let me focus on any one thing that isn’t a distraction in and of itself.
In two days the National Novel Writing Challenge begins… and I am no closer to beginning it than I was on October 1st. I can’t fail a second year in a row. I need this too much. But while NaNo is supposed to begin with excitement and a rush of writing before the insanity of it sets in… I’m already there.
So yeah, it’s all kinds of crazy up in here right now.